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Issue #7, July 25th, 1999
"As Pretty As An Airport"
[ Tangled WeBB Conforms ] -- [ McParty ] -- [ Competitive Nitpick ]
[ Tsk Tsk, Temper Temper ] -- [ An Anthem For NEs ] -- [ I'm Back ]
[ STF To Do War Upon Ancient Greek Gods ]

Tangled WeBB Conforms!
By Jim Armstrong
When it became clear to the good people at the Tangled WeBB We Weave that the current format just wasn't funny enough to waste jokes on, it became clear that we needed a change.  Lo and behold, there it was!  STF's official conformity dictators...  er...  the Internet Department decided on an enforced format.

Armed to the teeth they marched along, converting page after page to their 'standards', and The Tangled WeBB was overjoyed.  Finally, we would have a format worth making jokes about.  The armed march kept going, and inevitably came to Tangled WeBB.  The Armed Conformists took one look at Tangled WeBB and decided that they didn't want their name in any way attached to ours.  The march continued, ignoring us.

The weeks went on, and the March slowly took over all the departments, or at least it tried to.  There are still a few of them who have an armed resistance, known as laziness.  As the weeks went by, no ideas popped up into our heads.  None whatsoever.  All of the sudden, though, we had an idea!  Spite!  We could use the IDept Conformovision, and there was nothing they could do about it.  Not to mention that a really bad story could be written up about it.

And so, as it stands, most of STF has been taken over by the hostile ID invasion force, and we're just along for the ride.

Wheee!


McParty!
By Moe Younis

TWW "Did I forget a W" W was able to get an interview with Mike "Hey!" Ballway, McParty coordinator.

When asked these questions these were his responses.
 

1) The are rumours going around that the first ever McParty was actually held in a McDonalds and that's where it got it's name, is this true?
 
Erm . . . the McParty was named for Senior Admiral Kate McCarthy, whose idea it was to hold it in 1992.
 



 
2) McDonalds corp. has already sued Burger King for allegedly stealing the expression "Big Kids meal" aren't you afraid that McParty will be next!
 
What they don't know can't hurt 'em.
 


 
3) What are you planning for the McParty's main theme to be?
 
I was thinking of going with "The Ballad of Gilligan's Island," but then /Headline News/ took that.  Right now I'm engaged in complex negotiations with Danny Elfman and John Williams to see if one of them can come up with a theme for us.
 


 
4) When you had first heard that you would be in charge of McParty what the first thought that crossed your mind?
 
"RESPECT MY AUTHORITA'!"  Actually, it wasn't much of a surprise, since I was already talking to Prez Spurlin about ideas for the McParty and had offered him my services as Coordinator.
 


 
5) Do you  actually expect people to respect as you so mildly put it "Respect my authorita'"?
 
Not really.
 


 
6) Will you pick up arms and join the ranks of the few and disorganized, if Command refuses to release the FUN to the McParty?
 
Picking up arms sounds like a job for a coroner.  The only arms I pick up are my own.
 


 
7) Are you or have you ever been a member of the so called supporters of MI (Mass Initiative)?
 
I don't believe you are legally allowed to ask that question on a job application.  This is a job application, right?
 


 
8) If you were a Kitchen utensil which one would you liked to be?
 
Spoon!
 


 
9) Who is your favorite super friend and why?
 
This question is completely superfluous since I have already answered it (HN II.07).  However, for the indulgence of your readers, my favorite Super Friend is Green Lantern (icky, this puts me in the same league as Seamus Hughes.  Run, run while you still can!)
 

Well now that McParty is under way, we all know the theme A semi-formal ballroom, and those
pesky rules that were implemented. Well I say get to your weapons and get ready to rumble!
 
We wish to thank Mike Ballway for taking the time to answer these few questions thank you!

[Ed--  The editorial staff wishes to apologize to SNNHN for stealing it's trademark question.  It was all Moe's idea.  Sue Moe, not TWWW.]


Competitive Nitpick:  WS Guilty of Fraud!
By Jim Armstrong

A recent article in WeBBSights, a paper which shall remain nameless, has been found guilty of lying to the STF public in a humourous fashion.

This SNN Paper, let's just call it "WeBBSights", published an article on July 18th entitled 'The Failure of the Spurlin Administration' which denounced a government project known as Mass Initiative.  Throughout the entire article, a certain SNN Writer, for the sake of argument we'll call him "Larry Garfield", expressed his exasperation with this project, saying that it would destroy STF and that we should all petition the Central HQ to put an end to the government project.  Carefully, this writer we have decided to call "Larry Garfield", tiptoed around actually saying what this Mass Initiative in fact was.

An entire week after the release of "WeBBSights," as we call it for the sake of anonymity, no evidence has been found to state that this Mass Initiative ever existed.  It appears that the anonymous "Larry Garfield" made the entire article up for his own personal gain and amusement.

That is not to say that he was alone in this mass conspiracy, no far from it.

The word on the street is that he has a co-conspirator.  Someone so secretive that we haven't been able to find out his real name.  He is known to us only as "Mike Ballway", a mysterious SNN Editor who was in on it as well, possibly even giving the idea to the one we conspicuously call "Larry Garfield" the idea for Mass Initiative.  Rest assured, we will not allow this evilness to continue.  We will not rest until the publisher of this article that we've decided to call "WeBBSights" starts to take anti-evil pills, available with prescription at any drug store anywhere in the federation, and in some places in the Klingon Empire.

Once taken, these anti evil pills will purge "Larry Garfield" and "Mike Ballway" of all evil feelings, and all shall be well.


Tsk Tsk, Temper Temper
By Moe Younis

Well you've all probably heard the story by now. Bob "The Spurlinator" Spurlin and Owen "who the heck are you" Townes. Now I could say many things about this encounter but there's something we all must remember we're only human. Now personally I don't take any sides, I agree and disagree with many things that Bob has done throughout his administration. In the beginning I was a supporter of Bob's reign and even now I still am, because I know that Bob is still a good person.
 
It has been said that Bob's fuse's short, I've sometime found myself agreeing with that, but I've also taken a look at myself and have seen many instances were I let out some of my anguish into a small fit, We are human after all, we put all of our grievances together and let it out at the wrong time.
 
Now let's analyze the situation and the facts that we have. For one, Owen did step out of line at one time. However, both parties should've taken a time out to reflect upon the situation. Sometimes I get very angry or tee'd but I never act until I'm calm. Both parties made some mistakes, but nothing that couldn't be forgiven.
 
In the sum of Bob's reign he has over all demonstrated his dedication to STF despite trouble in real life. Personally I would've just left STF, but Bob stayed and I admire him for it. Bob has also shown that he doesn't hesitate and knows how to take command decisions, although I do agree at some points they were uninformed decisions. Over all, we see that within Bob's rule their were good times and bad times, like in any other situation. He has commanded and led STF and in the end, or soon to be end did a good job.
 
When asked, Owen said that he had already planned to resign, because of college. And that his encounter with Bob didn't really have much of anything to do with his resignation or retirement. 


An Anthem For Nameless Ensigns
Based on The Way, by Fastball
By Jim Armstrong
 
They made up their minds, and they joined STF
Were on a ship before the sun came up that day
When it came to taking orders they were deaf
Why they were here is something that no one could say.
 
They joined lots of ships, and had no creativity
They couldn't even come up with some good names
So inevitably they were just dubbed the NEs
They're the Nameless Ensigns that are everywhere in our game
 
(chorus:)
Anyone can see NEs are everywhere the eye can see
I wouldn't trust them as far as you can throw me
They do all the brunt work, and make good butts of jokes
You can see their shadows off in a corner somewhere
Won't get promoted, but no one else cares
They're in a dead end job, and some are killed each day...
Each day!
 
Now they are our slaves, and get none of the credit
Without them we'd need to do the work ourselves
They're always in danger and are never assigned a medic
And when there's nothing else to do they dust our shelves
 
(Chorus x2)
(End)

I'm Back!
By Moe Younis

Yes it's true, I have come back from the beyond reaching of AWOL. After some intensive negotiation talks we have finally struck an agreement.  Although the contents of the agreement are still under review you'll have the exclusive right here of the major points.
 
1) An immediate increase of 10% in salary, and a gradual increase of 20% over the next two years.  [Ed--  What Moe doesn't realize is that 10% of 0 isn't that much.  Don't tell him until he signs, though.]
 
2) An immediate increase of 50% in Jell-O rations.
 
3) We now have jelly filled doughnuts! and Fresh coffee!
 
4) No non Canadians will be hired, in order to keep the jobs within the country
 
5) Two meaningless adjectives have been added to my title: Super Executive Co-Writer
 
6) I'm making all of this up.
 
7) If you still don't get it then you're an idiot.
 
8) Why are you still reading the rest is pointless.
 
9) You're still here! go do something useful.
 
Well that's it folks, and remember you saw it first on TWW "Did I forget a W" W. 


STF To Do War Upon Ancient Greek Gods!
By Jim Armstrong

Today in an all round evil affair, STF Head Hauncho Bob "Mimi" Spurlin announced to all of STF that he had just gotten into a bar fight with none other that Zeus himself, and though he kicked Zeus' butt, Zeus decided to come back with some of his Godly friends.  Bob's remarkable escape from the fury of the gods was what he left out in his message, but it appears he was fine enough to pull STF into a war.

Bob's message was a chilling story, and he swept through STF with tales of honour, and the need to do what is right.  Rumour has it that he was drunk at the time he wrote it, but none the less, STF will take part in Bob's fight with the Gods, standing up for our Prez in his time of need.

Do you have what it takes to take on the Gods?  To fight on behalf of your Prez and your RPG club?  Well, if you do, I wouldn't say it out loud.  Those who proclaimed to support the Prez were immediately struck by lightning, so if you revolt, do it quietly.

That's all for this week's edition of Tangled WeBB We Weave.  We'll be back next week with even more pointless stories!


Cast of Characters
 
Editor  Jim Armstrong 
Super Executive Co-Writer  Moe Younis 
Moral Support / 
Doer Of Nothing / 
Not A Member Of Our Staff
 Seamus Hughes 
 

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Page authored by Jim Armstrong < jim.armstrong1@sympatico.ca >
Last updated: July 25th, 1999
Version: 1.00c
 
 
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